Sometime Love Is Letting Go
Wold Down Syndrome Day 03/21/2018
Twenty-four years ago, my son was born with an extra
chromosome. His birth took me into a
world of early intervention, physical therapy, occupational therapy, special
education, and advocacy. It also led me to learn about holistic wellness, where
the approach to health is to support body, mind and spirit.
As a caregiver, every day you are planning, preparing, and implementing support systems and follow through. As the process unfolded, my goal was always to have my son lead an independent life. A life where he has friends I do not know of, where I do not know what he did during the day, what he had for dinner, when he went to bed.
I tell you this is not easy. It is not easy because when you are constantly caring for someone you begin to trick yourself into thinking that only you can take care of their needs, only you can comfort them when they are afraid or bullied or worried.
What I have come to learn, as painful as that might feel, is that this is not true. When my son was ten, he began going to a wonderful sleep away camp in Connecticut. First for five days, then for two weeks, four weeks, and finally for eight weeks. It was an eye opener. When he came home the first time and told me he loved camp, I asked him why. His answer? No parents.
Once my son was done with high school, I was so grateful to have found Triform Camphill, a life sharing community in Hudson, New York. There he has thrived for four years, living on a biodynamic farm, where he now works in the bakery and prepares lunch for one of the ten houses. His passion has always been cooking and the work areas provided at Triform are a perfect fit for him.
Best of all, he has friends and mostly independence. He has grown in ways that I could not even imagine and along the way has learned to advocate for himself.
When he comes home the hardest part for me is always when he leaves. I miss him all over again the same way I did when he went to camp – and by the way he told my husband and I not to visit him because he was too busy with camp activities – and when he moved to Triform.
Sometimes the way we show our deepest love for someone is letting them go. Even if we think we will take care of them better than anyone else can, the truth is they may just be able to take care of themselves.
Maria G.Turchi is a wellness educator and provides holistic resources for people with disabilities. Her information can be found at: www.roomtobloom.org